Unmentionables
by Silver Vaporeon
Summary: An original, out-of-control and wacky Rocketshippy roleplay in novel form. If you think THIS is crazy/hysterical, you haven't even skimmed the surface. *PARTS SEVEN AND EIGHT ARE UP!!!*
1. chapter one

"I am SO bored, James…" Jessie tossed up a rubber ball at the ceiling in her boredom

"I am SO bored, James…" Jessie tossed up a rubber ball at the ceiling in her boredom.The ball rebounded and hit James smack on the nose, who was lying on the same bed as her.

"OW!" James rubbed his stinging nose. Blood was starting to pour out, staining his white jacket.

"Now that's something new…we never spilled blood on the show…"

"Stop making fun of me!" James wailed, his hands covering his bleeding nose. Jessie looked at the pathetic sight and sighed again.

"Well, since you've got your jacket stained…we might as well go…"

"SHOPPING!" both of them cried out gleefully.James still had his hands over his nose other wise he would have gotten blood all over his pants as well.

*********

**Unmentionables**(based on the RPG)

Compiled and re-written into story-form by SV. 

Original RPG by [mainly] JNMR/Celestial Maiden, Packrat1, DuoisMyMan, Jesse 16 and SV

Rated PG-13

*********

Jessie and James walked into a Victoria's Secret at the mall, arm in arm.Meowth, who had followed them decided to stay outside.

Jessie pondered for a while before yanking James towards a display for panties.

"Look!" she exclaimed.She frowned when she noticed James had hid his eyes in his hands and was blushing wildly.She tore his arms away from his eyes and made him look at the display. "You know, since we share, we should pick out stuff together!"

James started to shake his head when he saw an adorable blue unmentionables set with little kitties all over it and took it into his hands.

"Ohh! Aren't these so cute, Jessie?" he grinned.Jessie started to grab the set away from him when a man came up behind them.

"Welcome! Can I- Jessie! James! What the hell are you doing here?" Giovanni yelled.

James sweatdropped but came up with what he considered a brilliant idea. "I am Jessie's fashion consultant!"

Giovanni raised an eyebrow. "For **underwear**?"

"Um…yeah!" He grabbed the blue unmentionables in one hand and Jessie's arm in another. "And if you'd excuse us, we'll be in the dressing room to see if they fit!"

Jessie nearly exploded with rage and she thwacked James with her paper fan. But she decided to drag him to the dressing room all the same.She threw him into the room before slamming and locking the door behind them, attracting many stares.

"LOOK at this!" She thrust the set into his face. "The top is way too small and the bottom is too big! Are you saying I am underdeveloped?!"

James remained silent so Jessie hit him with the coat hanger.The screeching that followed made the women in neighboring stalls to file out and leave the store.The nearby sales clerk sweatdropped.

"Do you need any h-" she started before hearing more pleading and whimpering from James. "Ok…I thought I've seen everything at the mall and I certainly didn't know dominatrix were for hire at the mall."

"Shut up!" Jessie shoved the blue kittie undies on James' head.He shut up and sat sulking as Jessie pulled bits of his hair through the holes in the sides so he looked like he had pigtails."Now if you're gonna hug me in fear again, you'll have to walk around wearing that all day!"

James sniffed.Jessie felt bad so she decided to complement that they matched his hair.James looks in the mirror and strikes a few poses."Well, I **do **make the coooolest girl!" he exclaimed. Jessie coughed softly."…besides you of course, Jessie!I can't ever be that pretty!"he added.Jessie blushes and gets big anime eyes and blew him a kiss in her judgment-clouded mind.James grinned broadly as Jessie started braiding the strands of hair that stuck out. 

In the next stall, Giovanni was looking through his selections and came out sporting a frilly pink dress! The sales clerk decided to quit her job and ran off to Starbucks to get some coffee.

"I feel so pretty!" Giovanni squealed.Outside, a masked man stole a woman's purse and he heard the cry for help."Oh no! This is a job for…" he rips off the dress to reveal a rather skimpy sailor senshi fuku."SAILOR GIOVANNI!"He runs off in pursuit of the bandit.

Jessie and James peek out of their shared changing room.

"You thinkin' what I am thinkin'?" Jessie asked.

"Lorne and his Mountain Quillots again (INSIDE JOKE!)…geez…and I thought I was weird," James commented.

"Nope. He's on MQ's. You're weird all the time," Jessie rolled her eyes.James got all sad and Jessie felt bad again. "Course, being weird CAN be a turn-on…"

James grins."Erm…should we go get the Boss out of trouble?" he thought.

So they ran out of the store for a couple of miles(it's a huge mall) until Jessie noticed something wrong.

"James! Put your pants on!" she cried.James looked down and saw he was only in his pokèball boxers and attempted to steal a pair of pants off a display dummy. He suddenly heard the command, "FREEZE!" and he stops with the pants halfway up his thighs.He whirls around to see Officer Jenny behind him."EEP!" he squeaked.

"You are under arrest for two violations. Wearing panties on your head and running around in boxers," she started jotting down a ticket. Jessie stuck her tongue at Jenny and grabbed James, who had decided to pull his pants all the way up, and ran off.

SUDDENLY…..Happosai (of Ranma ½) bounced into the scene.He spots Jessie and James and starts chasing them.

"Deck the halls with bras and panties…." He sang out of tune as he skipped on.

"Damn, James! He's even more obsessed about underwear than you are!" Jessie commented.James sniffed.

"That was mean…" hecommented.Happosai caught up with them and yanked the blue kittie-cat undies off James' head before drooling over them.

A huge procession of broom-wielding girls show up, demanding that the old perverted man return their underwear. 

"Ooh! Girlies!" he squealed.Jessie decided this was the best time to run for it so she grabbed James again and ran.

_Meanwhile with Sailor Giovanni…._

"PRETTY RAINBOW SPARKLE!" his battle cry echoed as he threw a container of glittery hair gel at the thief. 

"Hey! Get off me, man! Gimmie a break!" the poor victim cried.

Back with Jessie and James… 

"Jessie, I am tired," James complained. Jessie stopped, dropped James and thwacked him again with the fan. 

"You MORON! **I** was the onewho dragged you all the way across the stupid mall!" Jessie screamed.

Happosai caught up with them and glomped Jessie.She screamed and swatted him away. "Ooh! You're feisty!" he exclaimed.James glowered at the pervert. 

"She's taken!" James snarled at Happosai.Jessie's hair started to smokein rageand unfortuatly, set off the sprinklers. Jessie nad James gasped in horror.They had been victums of Jusenkyo before on an expedition in the name of Team Rocket.Both had fallen into one of the hundreds of cursed springs.

Jessie had fallen into the Spring of Drowned Mew while James, who wasn't as lucky, fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl.Just a splash of cold water would make them transform and James wasn't about to turn into a girl in front of Happosai or the rest of the world.He whisked out an umbrellia out of nowhere and shielded Jessie and himself from the cascading waters in time.

"James! My hero!" Jessie said happily.James blushed and grinned again.Happosai put two and two together and tried knocking the umbrella out of James' hands.James gets mad and kicks Happosai away.

"Another feisty one! Hand over your panties and I'll love you for life!" Happosai exclaimed.

"I AM A GUY!" James yelled.He pulled Jessie close to him and kissed her for several seconds as if to prove his point. 

"Two girls to steal panties from…" Happosai calculated in his head.Jessie scowled in anger.

"Do THESE look like panties to you?!" she spat as she pulled James' pants down to reveal his boxers.James screamed and covered his boxers with his hands.The procession of angry girls ran over Happosai and started beating him up with broomsticks, mops and other household items. 

The sprinklers turn off and they go inside a store.James sits cross-legged on a bench and sulks.Jessie still had his pants and was looking them over and then glanced at his boxers.James looked at her with huge sad puppy-dog eyes. 

"Aw, don't worry! I think they're cute on you!" she giggled and waved the pants in front of his face.


	2. chapter two

Meanwhile with Sailor Giovanni, the thief had hit him with the purse and starts to run off laughing. Sailor Giovanni fell to the ground and started crying.

"Lu~na! What do I do???" he wailed. Mr. Fluffy, Giovanni's Persian, started sweatdroppping as Giovanni hugged his neck, calling him 'Luna'.

Suddenly, a familiar shadow blocked out the lights! He wore a black tuxedo and wore a white mask along with a black top hat and cane. It could only be one person.

Sailor Giovanni squealed in delight. His savior had come! The thief stopped running and looked to see who had blocked the sun.

"How dare you pray on innocent homosexuals? Everyone is beautiful in their own way, and romance needs to be preserved in the Moon Kingdom and even Crystal Tokyo!" the figure announced, making complex hand gestures he somehow did not get caught up in. The thief took one look at him, dropped the purse and ran, screaming for his mommy.

The figure hopped off the lamppost and placed a hand on Sailor Giovanni's shoulder. 

"Oh, Tuxedo Oak!" the male Sailor Scout sighed. 

"Be strong, Sailor Giovanni. I shall fight on your side," Tuxedo Oak smiled and disappeared. 

"Wait!" Sailor Giovanni cried, reaching out where his savior had been. He was disappointed and looked at the ground and saw an object. He picked it up and pressed it to his chest lovingly. "He left me a pokèdex!" he sighed dreamily "Come on, Luna! Let's get something to eat!"

Mr. Fluffy sweatdropped.

Back with Jessie and James…

The sprinklers turned off after a long time and Jessie and James walk to the Pizzeria because they were starving. On the way, James stole a shirt off a display and put it on along with his pants. 

"Too bad we didn't get our underwear," Jessie sighed as they walked by the stores.

"We could probably go back and try them again later," James said aloud.

"Ok! But let's go eat first. I am starving," Jessie sighed. 

Five minutes later…

James was stuffing himself with his twelfth slice of pizza and enjoying every bite. "This pizza is great!" he commented with a full mouth.

"Pig," Jessie muttered and nibbled on her third slice. 

In a potted plant a few paces away, Happosai (who was covered in numerous bumps and scars) was watching. 

"The hot one and her boyfriend are having lunch," he commented to himself. I wonder," he thought, "If this boy is cursed like Ranma…ooh! What fun!" In a flash, he was disguised as a waiter and walked by Jessie and James' table.

"Yo, shorty! Can we get another pizza? Pepperoni with lots of cheese!" James said as he saw the short waiter. Happosai nodded and hurried off to the kitchen.

"You are burning a hole in our wallet, James…" Jessie muttered. Soon the pizza was done and Happosai brought it to them along with two glasses of ice-cold soda. 

"Enjoy!" Happosai smiled. James looked blankly at the sodas.

"We didn't order these…" he said, pointing to the two glasses.

"They're on the house. Or should I say on you!" with that, Happosai jumped up and spilled the glasses of soda on the two Rockets. Instantly, James became his female counterpart, Jane, and Jessie transformed into a Mew. 

"Jessie!" Jane shouted. 

Kill that pervert! Jessie howled in Mew-language. Everyone in the pizzeria stared. Happosai snickered with delight.

"Hotcha! Now I've got two new hotties to steal lingerie from!" he chuckled with glee as he picked up Jessie's bra and panties, which were lying with her clothes. Jessie snarled and lunged at Happosai.

"You idiot! I don't wear lingerie[yet]!" Jane shouted and kicked at Happosai. Happosai dodged the attack and grabbed Jessie before running out of the pizzeria. "Come back here!" Jane yelled before giving chase, along with many angry girls who had their underwear stolen by the pervert.

"Huh? I must stop that pervert in the name of cherry soda!" Sailor Giovanni swallowed the last of his pizza and started chasing after the group. Jenny caught sight of the male sailor scout.

"Halt! You are under arrest!" she cried and ran after Sailor Giovanni.

"Hehe! What fun!" Happosai laughed with glee.

Even when the girls stopped chasing Happosai after thirteen miles out of the mall, Jane continued on. She eventually catches up with Happosai and kicks him repeatedly where it hurt until Happosai dropped Jessie who promptly bites Happosai on the hand. Jessie and Jane get away from the pervert and head for the nearest girls' bathroom at a park. Jane turns on the water and waited until the water was hot and splashed it on herself before splashing some on Jessie.

"Um…James?" Jessie asked in her human form, sitting on the floor.

"Yeah?" James asked as he tried straightening out his hair, looking in the mirror.

"I don't have any clothes on. Remember...Jusenkyo curse? Animals don't wear clothes?" Jessie sighed. James immediately jumped, blushed and hid his eyes in his hands.

"I am sorry!" he apologized, "I don't want you to feel exposed!" 

"James, you weren't even looking at me!" Jessie groaned. James went outside and stole some clothes off a clothesline by someone's house near the park.

"Damn Jusenkyo…" he muttered before going back into the bathroom and tossing Jessie some dry clothes. He retreats to a bush and puts on dry clothes. Jessie comes out in her new clothing and looks into the bush.

"James? What are you doing in there?" she asked. James sulked, looking like a kicked puppy. 

"You wouldn't understand," he said. Jessie rolled her eyes. Guys.

"Course I would! I've been your friend for what? Ten years?" she tried to pry it out of him.

"Actually, 10 years, 6 months, 4 days, and-" he glanced at his watch. "17.5 hours."

Jessie couldn't believe he kept track. "But I'll still understand!" she said exasperatly. 

"No you wouldn't! You're a girl!" James insisted. Jessie looked at him sadly with big puppy eyes. James sighed. "Ok….I am still hungry." Jessie groaned and hit him.

"You moron! You just ate a whole freaking pizza!" she sighed. James looked at her, frowning.

"I told you. Girls never understand that stuff," James said. Jessie looked at him slyly and pinched his stomach lightly.

"Widdle James ish getting a widdle cwubby!" she teased. James sniffed. Jessie felt bad about the prolonged teasing so she added, "But then you've got a really high metabolism and blasting off does burn quite a few calories."

"Jessie?"

"Yeah?"

"Forget it…" 

"Whatever."

Happosai was hiding in some bushes and was looking at Jessie and James. He snickered to himself. At least that red head's boyfriend is good for something, he thought. He got the girl's shirt wet. He drooled as he looked Jessie up and down from his hiding spot and slowly reaches for the pile of clothes that James had stolen, in hopes of finding some panties.

Suddenly a curtain appeared! Sailor Giovanni's shadow appears behind it; he had stolen the curtain from someone's house. He threw it over his head and it lands on a . "How dare you waste cherry soda like that! Cherry soda shouldn't be wasted; all should enjoy its' cavity-inducing actions! I am…SAILOR GIOVANNI!" He did various hand poses, which he magically avoided getting tangled up in. "And I shall wrong rights and triumph over good! And that means you, dental nuts!"

Jessie, James and Happosai stare at Sailor Giovanni and Jessie noticed that he didn't shave his legs, which was pretty nasty AND broke bishounen code rule #2968.

"Um…boss? Have you been drinking sake all night again?" Jessie and James asked. Sailor Giovanni looked at them blankly and began giggling like…well…a grown man in a sailor fuku. 

"What? Pretty girls like me never drink that nasty stuff!" he giggled.

Two figures ran up to them in the park. Cassidy caught her breath before saying, "He's been…drinking…Mountain Quilliots again…" she gasped. Butch didn't say anything but looked at Jessie; particularly at her wet shirt.

"Why is Jessie's shirt we-" he started before James, Cassidy and Jessie thwack him.

"What are these 'MQ's' you speak of? Unless it was that green liquid consisting of carrots and Nyquil I drank back in that stall…." Sailor Giovanni pondered. Everyone facefaulted.

"I finally found you!" Meowth gasped as he finally showed up since the beginning of the story. He stared at Jessie. "Jess? Why dun't ya have your br-" he started before Jessie stomped on him. 

"Shut up! That psycho Officer Jenny might hear you and arrest me!" Jessie growled.

Happosai leapt up and laughed. "I am panties man!" He held up six pairs of panties before glomping Jessie and nuzzling her chest. "And I…have a gift for you, my sweet!" he held up a black, lacy bra in her face.

Jessie's eyebrows twitched angrily. "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed before kicking the shriveled pervert into the stratosphere. Meowth watched him blast off.

"I tink you shoulda takin' dat bra, Jess," he commented. Butch, Cassidy and Persian sweatdropped. 

James snapped. "Don't…be…mean…to…HER!" he kicked Butch with his magical evolution boot and Butch evolved into Potweed, formerly Chain Smoker. Butch tries to attack James but ends up sitting down and smoking because every attack he did made him confused and stuff. James' next victim was Meowth. However, Meowth just laid on the ground with X's for eyes because he didn't evolve. James picked him up and threw him somewhere. Cassidy…well…she ran back to wherever she came from. Happosai was nowhere to be seen and Sailor Giovanni ran off.

"James?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah?" he replied. Jessie got big anime eyes and smiled.

"Thank you for not commenting on my wet shirt!" she said happily. James fell over.

"Umm…you're welcome…" he said. Jessie cleared her throat. "What's wrong?" Jessie fell over anime style.

"You just saved me from an army of pervs and you don't want ANY reward?!" she sighed. James tapped at his chin in a thoughtful manner. Jessie decided not to wait for James' brain and prepares to kiss him. James' eyes lit up.

"Yeah! Let's get more pizza!" he finally exclaimed. Jessie fell over. 

"You are SUCH a bad romancer!" she groaned. 

"Huh? Ok. If it's romance you want, it's romance you'll have!" James said. He leaned over and kissed her. 

_Man, he's good!_ Jessie thought. _Where'd he learn this?_

Meanwhile….

"Where's OA~K????! I want Samuel!" Giovanni cried before getting scratched by Mr. Flu-erm...Luna.

Back with Jessie and James…

After five minutes, the two of them were still locked at the lips and people passing by either stared or walked by, shaking their heads in disapproval of such behavior in public. Officer Jenny finally showed up.

"Halt, you two! You've violated quite a number of laws!" she flipped open a notebook and started writing tickets, naming each violation. "Stealing clothing, wearing no bra, having a wet t-shirt on, flashing, violent behavior AND making out in a public area."

Jessie got annoyed and hit Jenny into a dumpster with her paper fan. "Now, where were we?" 

"Kissing, but I am still hungry…." James tapped his fingers together shyly. Jessie sighed.

"Well…I suppose a buffet will do it for you. Hang on, let me get a 'top'" she rushes to another clothesline.

"Right. Heaven knows how many other pervs there might be…." James reasoned.


	3. chapter three

Meanwhile….

Ash and his friends are continuing their quest to the next gym.  However, this time they don't know where it is!

"Well, we've been wandering all over the place and I STILL don't see the 'Get a life, you dope!' gym anywhere!" Ash complained.  His friends sighed in response.  They walk around in the huge mall until Brock spotted something.

"Hey, guys, there's something up ahead," he said.  Misty stared.  What could THAT be doing there, she thought.

It was Sailor Giovanni…posing for a portrait. 

"Um…sir?" Misty asked.  Sailor Giovanni whipped around and shushed her.

"SHHHH!!" he warned. "You'll scare the tomatoes!"

The artist looked from behind his sketchpad and waved nerviously to the group.  It was Tracey Sketchit! But why was he doing here?

"Hey, Trace! Why are you sketching him?" Ash asked, motioning to the fuku-clad man.  Tracey laughed nervously.

"Well, he gave me a fistful of money and Professor Oak raided Mrs. Ketchum's rose bushes and ran off wearing a tux and a mask so I came here."

"Oh man…mom is gonna be mad…" Ash moaned. Pikachu added a sigh too. Sailor Giovanni got impatient and started waving his moon scepter around. 

"Come, Simba! I must gaze at my beau~tiful portrait soon and then Samuel will be all mine!" he sighed and the glittery-ness of his eyes would have made a cat sick.  Everyone sweatdropped.

Meanwhile at the buffet….James is shoveling food down his throat while Jessie just sat there and gaped at him.

"My gosh, James.  It is like you're pregnant or something!" she observed.  James stopped eating in mid-bite and got teary-eyed.

"You just had to ruin it for me, didn't you?" he accused sadly.  Jessie sighed.  She felt really bad about teasing him but then again he was ignoring her.

"I thought you liked me more than food…" she sighed.  James mumbled something while licking chocolate syrup off his fingers.  "What?" she asked. 

 James swallowed and replied, "I said I do but food never hits me with a mallet."  Jessie relaxed.

"Oh, okay," she replied and started throwing gummi bears at the loud, noisy kids nearby.  After about an hour of some success hitting the kids,  Jessie stopped.   However, the kids continued on screaming and running around like headless chickens.

"AUUGGHHH!" they screamed.  "It's TEAM ROCKET! They are EVVVILLLL!" (really intelligent, eh?)

Jessie got pissed and set her "Jessie Special 7000" mallet into "Twerp Calming" mode before using it on the kids.

BOOM! A WHOMP BLOMB A LOOBAP A WHOMP BAM **BOOM**! 

 The kids lay on the floor dazed after the attack of the angry Jessie.  Meowth came in and sat down.  

"Didn't ya ask for da 'twerp-free' section?" he asked.  James continued eating.  He didn't have long until the big angry mothers of the loud, noisy kids showed up.  The kids had regained consciousness and had run to their mothers crying at the top of their lungs. 

"Which one of you hit my dear Alice?!" one demanded.

"And my precious Tommy?!" another one chimed in.  Jessie rolled her eyes as she shoved her mallet back into the hidden dimension from which it had been brought.

"Some angels they are…" she muttered.  Unfortunately, the mothers heard and started attacking the trio…or at least they would have if they had seen them dart out the door before tackling James' shopping bag.  However, they didn't realize their mistake until they tore his bag to shreds.  They start chasing after them.  Team Rocket manages to lose the crowd behind but they keep running anyways.

"AH! It's Team Rocket!" Misty observed intelligently.

"Out of the way! Out of the way!" Jessie waved her arms around as she ran closer to them.  Brock blushed and went into girl-crazy mode.

"Wooooww!" he gasped. "Jessie isn't wearin' a b-"

James punched Brock in the nose as he ran by.  Brock fell to the ground wincing in pain.

"AH! You hurt Brock!" Misty got mad and took out a pokèball.  "Staryu! Tackle Attack!"

Staryu obeys and tackles James who flies right into a wall.  He slides down against the wall with his back arched and his feet above his head.  He moaned in pain.  Jessie pushed Misty out of the way and ran to him.  

"James? Are you ok?" Jessie asked as she knelt by him.

"Ngh…" James replied but brightened up when Jessie started hugging him.

"Wow!" Ash exclaimed. "Jessie has a Soft-Boiled attack!"  Misty and Brock just rolled their eyes. 

"C'mon, guys! We gotta find the 'Only-Losers-Allowed' Gym in Loserville!" she exclaimed.

"Yea!" Ash turned his cap backwards and thrust his fist into the air. "Let's go!"

Brock on the other hand, continued staring at Jessie until he remembered his aching nose and realized that the girls in his Playboy magazines didn't have body guards.  He hollered and jumped in the air. "Miss April, here I come!" 

As Brock runs away with Misty and Ash, James sticks out his tongue and gives them the akabe(aka the pulling down of the eyelid).  Jessie cuddles up next to James.

"Jaaames?? Can I ask you something…personal?" she asked.  James gulped before nodding nervously.  "Do you like the kitty underwear or the lacy red underwear better?" she asked.  James got a million sweatdrops.

"For ME to wear?" he gasped.  Jessie scowled.

"No! On ME!" she said.  James averted his gaze and got TWO million sweatdrops.  He turned back, blushing like mad and tapping his index fingers together.

"Whichever you prefer…" he said softly.  Jessie pushed him gently.

"Chicken…" she muttered.  James got exasperated.

"Well **really**.  Only pervy lads would look at a woman's undies…" James puffed up his chest.

Suddenly Pikachu(aka $ellout) pops out of nowhere and does its sicking-cute "PIKA PIKA" routine-thing.  Team Rocket scowled at the electric rat.  Pikachu simply smirked evilly and hopped around 'pika-ing' and 'chu-ing' like crazy.  

Meowth's ears lowered.  "Youse should tink before ya's swqueek," he said.

"What did that stupid rat say?" James demanded.  Meowth put his arms behind his head.

"It said dat youse must be a pervert too cause ya's always share da same dressin' room with Jess."

"Pika!" 

James blushed even harder.  "I don't look at her, you stupid rat! And she doesn't look at me either. Right, Jess?"

Jessie blushed and smiled nervously. "Erm…well…"

"Right?!" James' voice cracked.

"…wrong," Jessie said at last.  James sweatdropped.  Jessie then stepped on Pikachu and started flirting with James, which caused him to nearly spontaneously combust. "Hey, Meowth," she asked. "Wanna go to Hawaii today?"

"Sure!" Meowth smiled but then glanced at her. "Wait…" 

Jessie whispered in James ear. "When he's gone, we can get a nice, comfy hotel room to ourselves with one nice, comfy bed!" James felt pressured and loosened his collar.  With all the steam that came out, he could have qualified as a human tea kettle.

"Jess, I uh…wanna go somewhere with me tonight?" he asked.  Jessie's eyes got sparkly.

"Sure!" she said excitedly.  Pikachu gagged and squirmed from under her foot.

"Umm..how bout..um…Luna Café?" he asked.  Jessie's face fell.

"Oh…I don't have enough money," Jessie said.  "How about Burger King?"

James sweatdropped. "Um…I was gonna pay…"

Jessie's eyes brightened again.  "So…it's a date?"

James nodded and Jessie squealed with glee before jumping into his arms and glomping him.  Pikachu got up and started conversing with Meowth who got pretty angry.

"Look, pal.  Dis ain't da "Squeaky an' Capboy" bawrd!" he yelled.  Pikachu grinned and squeaked. Meowth got even more ticked off.  "We ain't 'Team Praduce!"

Jessie got angry too and got out of James' arms.  "That does it! Arbok and Likitung! Go! Get that 'Chu!"

Pikachu taunted Arbok who got angry at the rat too.

"SSSSHA!" he hissed at the rodent.  

"What's wrong, Arbok?" Jessie asked.  Meowth sighed again.

"Pikachu cawlled Awboak a 'gawta snaike'," he explained. 

Arbok (who was rather outraged at being called a garter snake) used its 'rage attack' on Pikachu before squeezing it half to death.

"Chuu!!!" it cried for mercy. 

"Way to go, Arbok! Show that rat who's boss!" Jessie cheered. 

James was confused.  "I thought Giovanni was the boss."

Jessie hit James in exasperation. 

"I thought you loved me…" James started to cry.  

"Doesn't mean I still can't hit you!" she said defiantly.  Meowth sighed.

Arbok stops squeezing Pikachu, flips it into the air and catches it in its jaws.  Arbok swallows Pikachu and around the world, Pika-haters rejoice.  Jessie cheered and danced with Arbok.  

"But what do we give to the Boss?" James asked.  Jessie winked at him.

"Simple! Instead of that dippy episode we're supposta do tomorrow…umm…what was it?"

"Tricks of the Trade."

"Yeah…that one…instead of that, we'll give him Lickitung!"

"Woirks for me!" Meowth said.

"Which one of us is going to call him?" James asked.  Meowth volunteered and to his surprise, both of his human friends agreed.  He walked into the phone booth hesitantly and began to call the Boss.  Jessie puts a lock on the phone booth after Meowth entered and she and James ran back to their cabin.  Meowth began cursing at them but then the Boss picked up.  

An hour later at Jessie and James' cabin…

Jessie made James clean the bed sheets that he got dirty with blood in the beginning of the story and thought about the date.

"On second thought," she said, "Why don't we just order pizza?"   James cheered in reply.  While James was celebrating, Jessie made reservations for a suite at the Honeymoon Hotel.

"Oh, James?" Jessie said sweetly.  "I've got a surprise for you~!"

They drive to the hotel.  James gaped in awe until Jessie dragged him to their room. 

"Where's the pizza?" James asked before seeing an in-room Jacuzzi. "Aw…Jess, was this a trick?"

Jessie shook her head. "Nope. Don't you want to get into the hot tub with me first?" James nodded eagerly and they went off to change into their swimming attire.  Jessie runs the water into the Jacuzzi and pours bath salts into it.  They both jump in and rest their heads on each other's shoulder.  James looks out of the corner of his eye and spots a snorkel.  

"QUIT SPYING, CAT!" Jessie hit Meowth in the head.  Meowth popped up, yowling.

"It's mah job ta watch ya's twose luvboids!" Meowth hissed. "'sides, ya's left Meowth locked up in da phone booth!"

"Who cares and who the heck said it was your job to spy on us?!" Jessie scowled.

"Da Boss," Meowth said simply.

"We haven't snitched on you and your Playboy magazines!" James argued. Meowth sweatdropped.

"Y'a know 'bout dose?"  he asked.

"Why else would you giggle for hours straight in the bathroom?" Jessie groaned.  

"You've got problems, Meowth," James shook his head.  Meowth hissed and got out of the tub.

"So what if I like human girls?! At least **I** like girls, James!" Meowth said in defense.  James glowered at Meowth.

"I like girls!" James said defiantly, throwing a bar of soap at Meowth.  Meowth deftly dodged it.  Jessie held up her hands to stop them both.

"Okay!" Jessie couldn't believe what she was going to offer but she did it anyway; it was the only way Meowth would not snitch on them. "Listen, Meowth; you leave us alone for ONE night…one night and I'll buy you a subscription to three porn magazines and we don't rat on each other."

Meowth thought about the offer. "Fine. If you promise not to make me baby-sit your kid…"

Jessie and James blushed.  "Ok! We promise!"

Meowth smirked and shook Jessie's hand to seal the deal.  He pulled off his snorkel and glanced at them before leaving. "Have a nice night…be sure to get more than ten minutes of sleep." He snickered and left as a bar of soap hit the doorframe.

"What does he mean by that, Jess?" James asked naively.  Jessie just sighed.

Ten minutes later, Jessie and James have ordered the worst combination: champagne and pizza and were eating it in the Jacuzzi.  Jessie slyly picked up the half-empty bottle and poked James.

"Here, James! Have some more!" she cooed.

"Jessie, I've already had three glasses…" James thought for a minute. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"Yes." 

"Um…ok."

Hours later both of them finished several bottles of champagne and were really drunk.  James started a water fight with Jessie and they laughed insanely, splashing each other until the tub was nearly empty.

"This is fun~!" James hooted.  There was a knock at the door.

"Heys! Youse twos gonna get pruny or somethin'? I needa use da shower!" Meowth yelled through the door.  James attempted to look at the door but it kept moving around and sometimes he saw two doors.  

"We told ya to leave us alone," James hiccupped.  Meowth slapped his head.

"You morons! It's nine in da mornin'!" he yelled.

"What?!" Jessie and James exclaimed.

"Don't tell me you spent your night in da hot tub! You humans are messed up," Meowth sighed.  Jessie slapped herself and made a mental note to skip the pizza next time.  Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.  Meowth went to open the door and another Officer Jenny(not the psycho one!) comes inside with the hotel manager.  She took out a notepad and looked at Jessie and James who came out of the bathroom still in their swim attire.

"We have reasons to believe that you smuggled a pokèmon in here!  This is against hotel policies and…" Jenny sneezed, "I am allergic!"  

A female meowth comes in on the end of a leash.  Meowth went ga-ga and runs over to her, babbling like an idiot before starting to hit on her.

"Hehe….so youse likes fighin' crime, don'cha?  I do toose; I really like it, yeah, meow and these…uh huh, yeah…"

The female meowth smiled and rubbed against Meowth.  Meowth blushed and nearly exploded with happiness.  Officer Jenny took notice and clasped her hands in cute-girlie mode.  The hotel manager sighed.

"Oh, Meowy-poo! You actually didn't reject one! He must be a special guy!" she exclaimed, rubbing the female Meowth under the chin.  The female Meowth meowed in reply.  Officer Jenny put a collar on Meowth and attached him to another leash but Meowth didn't seem to mind.  She called towards the bathroom area where Jessie and James snuck into again.  "If you want your Meowth back, he'll be at the station!"

James peaked out the door.  "We dun' want him back…" he hiccupped.  Officer Jenny leaves with Meowth and his new girlfriend in tow, shutting the door behind her.

Jessie giggled and had a great idea! Well…it was great since she was drunk. "This time, we have a fight wiffout our suits!" with that, she yanks her top off and plunges into the full tub(which she filled.)  James giggled and jumped in too.

Four hours later….

James woke up with a tremendous headache.  "Please explain to me why we're both naked in a hot tub without water…"

Jessie rubbed her head.  "It had something to do with those Turkish Charmanders…."

"Oh yeah…they had poured liquid nitrogen down our suits…."

"So we had to take them off to save ourselves!"

James rubbed his temples.  "I am gonna sleep on the couch…"  Jessie grabbed his hand.

"No! you get in the bed with me! A sofa isn't the place to wait out a hangover!" she scolded.  James yawned and fell on the bed.  Jessie follows him and occupied the other side.  She cuddles with James and he was too tired to push her away.

"'Night, James…"

"Goodnight, Jess…"


	4. chapter four

~*~

Meanwhile in the other room…

Misty woke up and rubbed her eyes and wrinkled her nose(UGLY!).  "Ugh…what IS that horrible sound coming through the wall?"

Brock woke up too and put his ear to the wall.  "Sounds like…"

"Snoring and sleep-talking…." Misty finished.  Brock giggled insanely.  Ash woke up from the floor, which he slept on.  His feet got tangled in the snorlax-patterned blanket. 

"Why do I have to sleep on the floor anyways?" he complained.  Misty made a face at him.

"Because you jab me with your elbow!" she said.  

"And I like to snuggle next to M-"  Brock began to add but Misty clamped a hand over his mouth.  

"And plus you keep whining about your stupid Pikachu!"  she finished.  Ash started moping around again about his lost pet rat.

On the other side of the wall…

James moved over and mumbled in his sleep something that sounded oddly like "pass me the mayonnaise".  Jessie, who was half asleep, sensed James had rolled over to his side of the bed.

"I wish you'd do more cuddling than sleep talking," she said sleepily.

Outside of the window, a figure was hanging upside-down a la Ranma from the window frame from the room above.  Considering this was about twenty stories high, this guy must be psycho.  The figure checked his pockets for film and loaded his camera.

"Ah, yes. It is up to me, Todd(or 'Snap' if thou shall prefer) to get a photo of these two in a natural pose…" he said to himself as he adjusted the lens.  Suddenly, Jessie wrapped her arms around James and pulls him to her side of the bed before kissing him passionately.  James, who wakes up slightly, kisses her back and they roll off the bed; but not before Todd gets his "natural looking shot".  

"What was that?" Misty asked.  Brock listened. 

"Sounded like a ton of bricks," he replied.

Back in the bed, err, on the floor…

James fell back asleep again, snoring but suddenly he mumbled, "I like the red lacy ones better, Jess."

Jessie yawned and smiled at him.  "Good. I  guessed right.  Night, ya little no-fun-rich-boy-who-doesn't-know-what-love-is," she said as she kissed him good night.

Around eight the next morning…..

James suddenly sat up and said to Jessie, "I **know** what love is. It's **this** that I haven't any idea about."

Jessie woke up and leaned to his side.  In doing so, she sees the gleam from Todd's camera lens.  Her eyes shot wide open and went to the window wielding the lamp from the nightstand.  "GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW OR I'LL MALLET YOU!" she threatened.  Todd got the message and hops over to the window of Sailor Giovanni and Tuxedo Oak's room.

Back with Jessie and James…

Now fully awake, they sit on the bed with nothing to do.  After an hour of this, Jessie gets up and walks over to the small fridge.  

"Want more champagne?" she offered.  James raised an eyebrow.

"To get us drunk again?" he asked.  Jessie nodded, saying they had nothing better to do.  James sighed and rubbed at his temples.  "I've had enough alcohol for the moment, thank you."

Jessie frowned. "Would you rather I tie you to a chair and beat you with a fan?" she asked sarcastically.  James nodded.  It was Jessie's turn to sigh.  "You are **such** an idiot, James."

James' eyes filled with tears.  "Fine. Get some more."

"James, you're so damn self-centered!" 

"Who's the one who wants to get the other drunk to use him?" James countered. Jessie sighed, defeated. 

"Guess you're right but this **is** the Honeymoon Hotel…" she began.  James puffed out his chest.

"Abstinence is cool," he quoted.  

Jessie sighed again.  "This is from a rich kid who didn't even get to see any other chicks besides his fiancé and his mother?"

James started to sing one of those awful public service announcement songs until Jessie threatened to smack him with her fan.  

Meanwhile in the twerps' room…

Ash got up and put on his pants over his boxers.  "I am bored.  I am gonna visit Gary in the other room. I saw him check in last night."

Misty lifted her head from the pillow from her shared bed with Brock and glared threateningly at Ash.

"Ash! You'd better not-!" she started.  

Ash gave her the peace sign.  "I won't this time! Scout's honor!" 

Brock sighed. "As if he is a scout…" 

Ash leaves the room and Misty turns to Brock.  

"Let's go check out that hot tub!" she declared.  

"Ok, can't be any different from the hot spring in the mountains…" he said.

Misty grinned.

knock knock

Gary raised his head and looked towards the door. "Come in," he said as he picked himself up from the couch.  Ash enters the room with a bright grin on his face. 

"Hi, Gary! Look what I brought!" he snickered evilly as he held up a pair of panties in the air.  Gary made a strange face.

"Aren't those Misty's? Again?" he asked. Ash nodded.

"And this time she didn't catch me! My turn!" he put the panties on Gary's head and it hangs at an odd angle due to his spiky hair.  Gary does that "…" thing.

"Hot pink doesn't suit me," he complained.  He kept the panties on his head anyways and the two lads invade the little fridge.  "Whoa! Alcohol!" he announced before tossing the bottle out the window and hitting Todd in the face, who screamed in pain before falling into the dumpster below.

Ash found some soda in the back of the fridge and the two start drinking and are soon super-hyper. 

Back with Jessie and James…

"I think we should shower," James suddenly said.  Jessie stared at him in disbelief. James realized how wrong it sounded.  "**Separately**!" he added.

"Killjoy…"  Jessie muttered.  James looked down at the floor.  "We'll go out afterwards but you have to take a shower with me." 

"Can I PLEASE wear my bathing suit?" James pleaded, being the modest lad he was.  Jessie sighed. 

"Fine. But only because you're cute."

After five minutes of spraying each other with the detachable showerhead, they get out, dried each other off and James raided the closet as Jessie styled her damp hair.  As Jessie turned towards the closet, she saw James coming out in a schoolgirl outfit.  She raised an eyebrow as James blushed.

"Umm…so that psycho Jenny won't find us again?" he grinned nervously.  

"I'd think that she'd have her hands full with Meowth and his new girlfriend…"

And she was right.  

"STOP MAKING OUT IN THE CORNER!" Jenny screamed at the two felines back at the police station.  The two grumbled and proceeded to pounce on people to steal loose change.  Jenny sighed, annoyed at the cats.

Back with our other couple…

Jessie threw James some jeans and the shirt from the Sunflora episode.  "Put these on and I'll wear what you're wearing as of now.   James looked down at his current outfit and then at Jessie and instantly agreed.  They both go into the closet to get dressed and come out a minute later.  

"Ohh! Jess! That looks prettier on you than it did on me!" he squealed.  

Jessie facefaulted before shaking her head.  "I'll take that as a compliment…"

  
 "Where to, miss?" James asked as he hugged her. 

"Shopping!" Jessie announced.  James looked like he was being tortured.  "Oh, c'mon! If you're a good boy, you can pick me out some underwear that you like even better than the lacy ones…" Jessie giggled.

James sweatdropped. "O..okay…" 

Jessie scowled.  "My gosh, you're no fun at all! You're not perverted enough, you know that?"

"Well, considering the only female my age I had to look at as a boy was Jezebelle, what would you expect?" James asked. 

"You're right. Fine. Shall we go?" Jessie held out an arm to link with his.  They walk to a little marketplace-type thing.  Jessie starts spazzing out as she sees a whole section dedicated to frying pans.   James sweatdropped.

"Can we go to the less-concussion causing section?" he asked nervously.  Before Jessie could answer,  they see people chasing after two cats.  Two very familiar looking cats at that.  They ducked under the display table until the crowd runs by.

"Sheesh! Some peopla haiv a t'ing 'gainst free entaproize!" Meowth spat out as he crawled out of hiding.

Jessie glared at Meowth. "What **now**?" 

"We's troied ta maike dem gym baidges  again', but all we's could use fo' materials was dem plastic bawttleacaips!"

"Nya, nyarrrth, Nyase nya!" the female Meowth chimed in.

"Youse hafta hwide us!" Meowth pleaded with big kitty eyes.  Jessie and James roll their eyes. "Aww, come on!"

"Nope. You never let us have any 'free time' alone, so have fun!" Jessie grinned, hooking her arm with James'.  "James and I are going to look at whips and fishnet stockings!"

"We are?" James asked nervously.  Jessie mentally hit herself as she remembered his sensitivity.  

"Ok. Fishnet stockings and…sock puppets!"

"Yay!" James cheered.

"BUT WHATS 'BOUT US?!" Meowth yowled.  The female Meowth yowled too.

Jenny comes running into the scene and scoops the cats into a net.  "Meowth! Nicole! You've got quite a bit of explaining to do!" she scolded.  Meowth asked Nicole why she never told him her name and she replied that it was due to the horrible joke that "Nicole" sounded similar to "neko", the Japanese word for cat(now, you've learned something, eh?)

Nicole yowled.  Meowth scowled, muttering, "fish stockings and sock puppets."

James looked down at Meowth. "And just what were you planning to do with Nicole?"

Meowth scowled and stuck his tongue out at James before he and Nicole were carted off by Jenny.

"Bye bye!" Jessie waved at them.  She slipped on a sock puppet as does James who puts another sock puppet on his other hand, resembling a kitty.

"I love you, Wooly!" James said in a falsetto voice. 

"I love you too, Hose!" Jessie said in an even higher voice.  "But we **must** capture that never-running knicker-chu!"

"Oi tink oi'd be betta oiff at da food cawt…" James made the kitty-baby sock puppet announce.

"Say! Not a bad idea!" Wooly said.  

"Oh, good grief…" Hose sighed.


	5. chapter five

Meanwhile back at the hotel…

Gary got up from the couch and poked Ash.  

"Hey, Ashy-boy, you wanna come to the mall with me?" he asked. 

"YEAH! We can hide in the girls' bathroom and make 'em scream!"

"My thoughts exactly!"

They have a change of clothes and run down the hall yelling at the top of their lungs.

Misty was awakened by the horrible yelling and opened the door to see Ash and Gary still running around.

"Umm…Brock? Why do you think Ash and Gary are running outside screaming 'Team Pervert!' while wearing something that looks like a Team Rocket uniform with a P instead of an R on it?" she asked sleepily.

Brock went to the door and peeked out to see for himself.  "I'd rather know why Gary has your pink panties on his head," he said bluntly.  Misty thwacked Brock.

Back with Jessie and James…

"Ooooh!! Jessie, look! Widdle blue sockies that would match those blue kitty panties!" James squealed.  Jessie smacks him on the head.

"No! I wanna see the sock puppets over there!" she scowled, pointing to another cart.

James started to cry. "But, Jessie~" he whined.

"Shut up!" She suddenly looked at herself in a small mirror and noticed she neglected to put on her makeup that day. "I really need a make over..."

"Then I'll have one too!" James chimed in.

"NO, YOU'RE NOT!" Jessie screamed at him.  "I am not having my date crossdress on a date!"

"Aw…you're no fun…" James sulked.

"**You're **the one who's no fun," Jessie grumbled.  James decided to change the subject.

"Um…we could take these sock puppets off and go to the food court," he said.  Jessie threw her hands in the air.

"Food, food, food!  I am second-fiddle to stuff on the griddle…" Jessie muttered.  

"Well, flirting makes me hungry!" James whined.

"What doesn't?" Jessie sighed.  In the end, she gives in and they start walking to the food court.  They pass by a Dillars.

"Oooh! Prom dresses!" Jessie's eyes sparkled with anticipation.

"Yay!" James cheered. 

"**You** can look at the tuxes."

"But dresses look so much prettier…"

"You look at the tuxes and I'll let you in the dressing room with me. Deal?"

"…deal."

They walk in the door and the cashier lady greets them.

"Oh, how cute! Are you two married?" she asked Jessie, who began to blush.

"Well, not ye-" James started to say, also blushing, but Jessie put a hand over his mouth.

"Why, yes we are!" Jessie smiled.  "Well, we'll be married in half a year."

"How sweet!" the cashier lady grinned. 

"He proposed to me on a beach in Greece," Jessie eyes started sparkling as she started to fabricate a story about the "proposal".  The casher lady listened absorbingly. While this was happening, James started fidgeting before finally giving into his impulses and snuck past the two ladies.

Jessie finally notices his disappearance and wandered about the store, calling his name and looking through clothes racks.   After a while of no success in finding him, she picks out a dress and went to try it on in the dressing room, where she found James.

"There you ar-" she started before her eyes grew wide.  James was wearing a blue prom dress.

"EEK!" James squealed.  

"Did you find hi-" the cashier lady came in, saw James and continued to stare at him since she had never seen a cuter bishounen wearing a prom dress.  Jessie smacked him with a coat hanger.

"What, in the name of love, are you doing?!" she scolded him.  James' eyes started to water and he started tapping his index fingers together in that oh-so-cute way.

"Well…this was cheaper than the tux," he said.

"That's it, I am on break!" The cashier lady walked off to get some coffee.  James' stomach gave a mighty growl.

"Take off that dress and we can have Mrs. Field's Cookies, ok?" Jessie tried to reason with James.  James' eyes became all sparkly at the mentioning of cookies and he instantly agreed.  He changes and they walk out of the store, forgetting about the prom dresses.  They walk over to a Mrs. Fields' Cookies shop.   Jessie took out her wallet and began to count out the coins she had.

"Ok, James.  What do you want?" she asked before narrowing her eyes.  James had plastered his face to the glass display case and was drooling all over the place.  She tapped his shoulder and he pried himself away.

"Umm…" he started to say before his stomach interrupted. "Eheh…can I have fifteen?" 

"Holy Christ above, you can't eat that many!" Jessie cursed.

"But I am so hungry!" James whined. 

"Fine…" 

Ten minutes later, James ate all the cookies in the shop.  

"Some romantic date this is…" she muttered.  James was happily munching on the last cookie when the cashier person cleared her throat.

"$1555 please," she said.  James choked on his cookie.  Jessie thwacked his back hard and James finally swallowed the bothersome baked good.  
  


"Umm…can we get the money on you on Tuesday?" James asked.  

"Just who do you think you are, you trouble makers?" the cashier person demanded.

The duo started twitching at the most obvious word in the above sentence.  The lights suddenly dim and tiny colored spotlights start roaming the area.  A very familiar piece of theme music begins to play…

"We're the villains who cause trouble!"  Jessie snickered.

"And I'll be the one to make it double!" James added.

The cashier person's eyes shrank into two big black dots before she yanked the power plug out of the stereo.  The music stopped and the lights returned to normal.  Jessie and James fell over.

"Shut up.  I already know the stupid motto.  Gimmie the money and I won't call Jenny on you," the bold cashier threatened as best she could.  It was still hard to take anyone wearing a red apron as part of his or her uniform seriously though.

"We're ready for Jenny any day!" Jessie declared, wielding her mallet.

"That's right!" James laughed.

"Ok…" The cashier person snapped her fingers and a nearby Officer Jenny arrives.   Her whole face lit up brighter than a Christmas tree as she saw James.

"OHMYGOSH! IT'S JAMES!!!!!" she squealed as she hopped off her motorcycle and glomped James.  "I am so like, your BIGGEST fan!!! Jessie is SO not for you, sweetie.  Can I have your phone number?" Jenny giggled as she pinched James' cheek.  James blushed and looked at Jessie.

"It wasn't my idea, Jess!" he shook his head violently as Jessie glowered at him.

"HOW DARE YOU!" Jessie gave a war cry and started swinging her mallet in a frenzy but she kept missing because Jenny kept jerking James this way and that as she maneuvered out of the trajectory of the mallet…and due to the fact Jessie didn't want to hit James.   "Damnit! Hold still!" 

"So, James," Jenny started tracing a circle on James' chest.  "Can we go on a date?" 

"Eh! Whoa! (Jessie! Don't hit me!) I am already on (WHOA!) a date!" James nearly screamed.

The look in Jenny's eyes could have killed Meowth nine times over.

"WHAT???!!!!!!!!! I'LL KILL HER! LEMMIE AT HER!!!" She squeezed James too tightly and James begins to choke.  The cashier shook her head in that 'I told you so' attitude.  James started to turn blue.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!!" Jessie screamed before finally nailing Jenny on the head and throwing her into the dumpster to keep her sister-in-law's sister's niece's daughter's aunt's cousin company (those Jennies are screwy anyways!).

Jessie and James then run off.

"Can we go home? I don't feel very good…"  James groaned.  Suddenly Jezebelle pops in with whip in hand.

"You wanna go home, dearie? Ah am ready to take you back!"  Jezebelle then takes her whip and wraps it around James.

"Help! I don't wanna be fish food!"  James pleaded.  Jessie pulls James towards her and unwraps him and holds him close to her.

"You aren't taking him! He's MY fiancé!"  she cried.  James' eyes bugged out.

"James?! Is this true?!" Jezebelle demanded.

The picture suddenly turns black and blue and a gust of wind blows by.  James took a deep breath.

"Why, yes she is. In fact, we had a water fight naked two nights ago, so…" he put his hands in his pockets, rummaged around and stuffed a Cracker Jack ring onto Jessie's finger.  It seemed to do the trick even though it was the only thing he found.

"Wait 'til ah tell your muther!" Jezebelle howled with anger and ran off.

Jessie stared at the plastic ring James put on her finger.  

"Nice ring…" she finally said.  James sniffed.

"Well, if you want, we can wander into a jewelry store and get a **real** ring…" he tapped his index fingers together.

"Fine, but you'll be wearing a **groom's** ring!" 

"No more cross-dressing!" James said.  He finds a couple thousand dollars in his pockets after all.  After the cashier person bugs them some more, he pays off the debt and they walk off to the nicest jewelry store in the place.

Meanwhile….

"BOO!" 

"AWAIII!!!!" a girl cried out in fear and ran out of the girls' bathroom.

"Yahoo!" Gary cheered and he and Ash high-fived each other.  "Team Pervert RULES!"

Jenny's cell phone rings and she picked it up.

"Yeah? What? Team Pervert has struck again?! Oh no…" she groaned and she got on her motorcycle and sped over to the mall.


	6. chapter six

When Jenny gets to the mall, she heads to the department store and puts on a body sock.

"Maybe if I wear this silly ditto-bra long enough, Team Pervert will strike…" she thought as people stared at her as if she were insane.

An hour passed.

"They'd better show up soon…" she grumbled as kids, perverts and curious people gathered around her.  Finally Team Pervert showed up to see what was attracting the crowd's attention.

"Hey, look! It's Officer Jenny in a ditto bra!" Ash poked Gary and they both snickered.

"Kinky!" Gary agreed and they both leapt in front of the embarrassed officer and began their motto:

"To rob the world of a glorious display!"

"To wed our hands with silk lingerie!" 

"To make the girls scream in every room!"

"We are the charming bratty hoodlums of doom!"

"ASH!"

"GARY!"

"Team Pervert, escaping your clutches faster than Team Rocket!"

"Surrender your undies, they'll still end up in OUR pocket!"

"Ummm~bra!!" Gary's Umbreon chimed in and they all struck a pose.  Officer Jenny pointed at them accusingly.

"AH-ha! I've caught you with your pants down!" she laughed triumphantly.  Ash looked down and sure enough, his pants had come down.

"Darn belt…" he muttered as he redid his pants.  Gary groaned. Umbreon sighed.

A random brat boy pulled at his mother's skirts as they passed by.  "I am scared, mommy!"

The mother stared at the strange scene. "Um…let's go to the boy st- I mean TOY store!" and they run off.

Meanwhile nearby in another section…

Misty was doing her shopping with Brock.  She held up a red t-shirt and then a green one as she giggled dilusionally.  "Brock~ which one looks better?" 

Brock, who was off in la-la land(scary) suddenly sees Officer Jenny run after Team Pervert STILL in her ditto-bra.

"Ooooh! It's the magnificent Pokèmall Jenny! The most beautiful of them all!" he drooled.  Misty got angry and smacks Brock with a miniature mallet.  

"You're just like James when he's hungry," she snarled. 

"How would you know?" Brock moaned as he rubbed his tender head.  Misty tucked the mallet and the t-shirts away.

"Who says I haven't been spying on them for a change? Todd got me some **interesting** pictures."

"…any of Jessie?" Brock asked.

"DON'T make me grab the ear!" Misty threatened.  Brock covered his ears and shut up.  Misty grinned and pulled him by the hair.

"Let's go check out swimwear!" Misty declared.  

"Ok!" Brock immediately agreed, thinking about all the lovely ladies.

"You aren't going to hide by the changing rooms again to spy on the girls though."

Brock instantly was deflated.

FINALLY back with Jessie and James….

They walk into the jewelry store and the weirdo cash register people cheer.  Jessie and James scream and James leaps into Jessie's arms and screams some more.

The weirdo people keep smiling and showering the "couple" with confetti and gift certificates. 

"Congratulations! You are the ten thousandth couple to walk in since our grand opening!" they cheered.

"Umm…is that good?" both of the frightened ones asked nervously. The people nod excitedly.

"Yeah! We pay for your wedding, rings, clothes, a three-week honeymoon, house," a person started listing.  Jessie narrowed her eyes and stopped the person.

"Wait…what's the catch?" she asked.  The person kept grinning.

"We get to put your honeymoon on the porn channel!" the person replied, still chipper.

Jessie turned a bright shade of red.  James looked at her, a bit confused.

"Why's that bad? What's so bad about sleeping?" he asked.

Jessie groaned, rolled her eyes and dropped James on the ground.  The manager comes out and shoos all the weird cash register people away.

"You'll **have** to do something more entertaining than **sleep** on TV!" he exclaimed, waving his arms in a bombastic way.  Jessie marched up to the manager and poked at his bulging stomach.

"Listen, buster!  I won't degrade myself or James to **entertain** folks!" Jessie screamed.  James brightened up.

"We can do something to amuse them!" he exclaimed and he put on his sock puppet which he had stolen from the sock puppet cart. "Wooly, will you marry me?" he made the puppet ask.  The manager shook his head, quite annoyed at the man's ignorance. James noticed the manager's glowering. "Why? It's so entertaining!" 

"Oh, and who are **you** to judge, Mr. "Smut on the tube"?" Jessie walked up to him and put on her own sock puppet. "Oh, Hose. You're the best sock puppet I've ever met."

At first, the two adults make the sock puppets kiss but finally, they get around to kissing as well. 

Back with Team Pervert and Jenny…

"You are under arrest for perverteness!" Jenny yelled as she chased the two brats in the mall, still in her ditto bra. 

"Well, DUH!" Gary shouted behind to her. "We're…"

"TEAM PERVERT!" Ash and Gary hooted and laughed as they continued running.

"Umbra-bra-bra!" Umbreon laughed as well.  Jenny got annoyed and got out her handcuffs as she gained on them.  However, they were all stopped in their tracks when several containers of hair gel smashed in front of them.  They stopped and looked behind them to see…

"How dare you young insolent brats spy and frighten young girls?! I shall bring you to justice! In the name of the moon…"

"I AM GONNA PUNISH YOU!" random bratty girls screamed the top of their lungs and cheered.

"That's right, perverted trash! I shall turn you to moon dust!" Sailor Giovanni said and leaped down from the lamppost to strike a pose.

Gary stared at the strange man in the sailor fuku.  "You…need a new hobby…" he said.

"I've got this whole case covered, you moron! Back off!" Jenny shouted at Sailor Giovanni.

Sailor Giovanni gets teary-eyed and started crying.

"LU~NA!!!! The evil police lady is bothering me again!" he cried as Mr. Fluffy sweatdropped.

MEANWHILE…

The Jeopardy! Music starts playing in the background as Jessie and James kiss and the weirdo jewelry store people begin sweat dropping as keeping a stupid grin on their faces and watching the two kiss was rather difficult.  Half an hour later, the manager kicks them both in the shins and they break the kiss and play with their sock puppets again.

"Oh, Wooly! You are such a good kisser!" Hose complemented

"So are you, Hose.  Do you love me, Hose?" Wooly smiled.

"I do, Wooly," Hose said.  Jessie looked at James.  

"Do you love me, James?" she asked.

"I do, Jessie."

Wooly and Hose start kissing again and pretty soon, the humans are at it again.  The store gets many customers as a result of being curious about the two kissing so long.  

A voice comes on over the intercom. "_The mall is now closing.  Please make your final selections and head to the cash registers."_

The manager pokes them and places the rings in James' pocket.  "For the boom in business," he grinned. But the two didn't really seem to notice him.

"Wouldn't it be fun to sleep by the water fountain and look at the stars through the skylight? Just you and me…" Jessie wondered aloud.

"Yeah!" 

"And then we can have fun **in** the fountain!" Jessie giggled insanely. 

"Yeah! Wait…what?" James asked.  Jessie nearly fell over.  Everyone leaves the store and several security people walk up to Jessie and James but decide to leave them alone.  Soon, they are left alone in the dark mall and they put their sleeping bags by the fountain (I don't know how they got there either. Team Rocket is magic or something) and they snuggle into them but both of them soon realized that they would never go to sleep.  

Brock and Misty, who had stayed behind as well(they hid somewhere until the guards went away or something) decided to leave.

"Jess?" 

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking…"

"Yeeess?"

"Well…promise not to hit me?"

"Dangit, James just tell me!"

"Um…do you think that constellation looks like a donut?" James asked, pointing through the skylight.  Jessie frowned, got out her sleeping bag and splashed warm fountain water on James. "Hey! Payback time!" James let out a war cry, stripped down to his pokèball boxers and began a water fight.  After a while, Jessie is down to her blue kitty cat "unmentionables" and both were completely drenched and exhausted.

"You know what, James? You're a cool guy, even if you do cross-dress and are not fun in bed," Jessie sighed as she sat on the ledge of the fountain.  

"I am?"  James asked. Jessie nodded. "Hey! Jess, there's a beach setting over there in front of a Greek restaurant! Let's go!" 

"Yay! We can tan!" Jessie cheered.  They go there, set up a heating lamp and "tan".

Outside, Misty suddenly stopped in her tracks, cuddling togapi.  Brock bumped into her and fell over with visions of busty girls circling his head.  Misty sighed and bent down to Brock's level.  

"You wanna sneak back into the mall to check them out?" Misty grinned.

"Yeah…Jessie…" Brock started sighing.  Misty hit him over the head with her shopping bag.

"I meant BOTH of them! I wanna see them kiss!" Misty said. "Don't you?"

"Because we're the romantic factor of 'Team Twerp'?"

"That's right!" Misty said without waiting for an answer and they both change into dark-blue ninja-like clothing. Togapi cooed sickenly cute.  A wild Arbok slithers up to them and eats Togapi whole before slithering off again!  Shocked at this, Misty automatically thought it was Jessie's Arbok.  She ground her teeth together and screamed for the world to hear.

"TOGAPI!!!!! JESSIE, YOU SHALL PAY!!!" 

Meanwhile with Team Pervert…

(yes, I know there are A LOT of "meanwhiles". That's what you get for reading a novel form of a  role-play that was originally pure dialogue! Bwee!) 

Jenny was STILL chasing the two bratty adolescences. STILL in her ditto bra.

"Come back here!" she yelled again. Ash stuck his tongue out at her.  Gary grinned.

"What a great heist! 400 pairs of socks!" he cried.  Suddenly a familiar figure arrives…

"Sparkly Glitter Pen….GLITTER!!!" Sailor Giovanni's cry echoed and he throws glitter pens at Ash and Gary, knocking them both into the stratosphere.

"YANA KANJI~!!!!!" they screamed.  Jenny looked upwards and then at the male sailor senshi.  

"errr…" she started before Ash and Gary come crashing back down using "Team Pervert Power".  "Give it up, brats!" she cried as she lunged at them. Ash grabbed Gary's sleeve and whispered to him.

"Let's use the secret weapon!" he whispered.  They both flash Jenny, who gets blasted away.  They kick Sailor Giovanni out of the way and they run off into the bushes.

"Weren't we in the middle of something before coming out of hiding back there?" Ash asked. "I think my pants were down.

"Oh, yeah…" Gary started to remember.

Back with Brock and Misty…

"TOGAPI!! I SHALL AVENGE YOU!" Misty yelled to the skies although Togapi had gone far down below to the fiery underworld.

"Uh oh…" Brock sweatdropped. Misty glared at him.

"AND YOU'RE GONNA HELP ME! LET'S MOVE!" Misty grabbed his ear and dragged him back to the mall.  Brock screamed in pain.

Back with Ash and Gary…

Ash finally remembered and does that fist-palm thing that anime characters do when they remember something.  "I remember!"  He reaches to his boxers and pulls out…a cell phone from his boxer pocket (now aren't YOU disappointed? 9_9).  He taps in a number and waits for the recipient to pick up.  

"Hello?" Jezebelle asked in her thickest southern accent.

"Yo, Jeze. Whatcha want us to do again?" Ash asked.

"Don't talk like that, it is improper. Now. Down to business.  My darling James with that girl are back at the mall…" 

Ash continued to listen intently as Gary tried to listen in but Ash shoved him into a bush.

Back with Jessie and James….

James gets up from his tanning chair and pulled Jessie up.  Clearing his throat, he knelt down, knowing it was "the moment".

"Will you marry me, Jessica?  Your proposal scenario would be slightly true…we're on a beach setting by a Greek restaurant…"

Jessie starts to reply but before she could say anything…

CRAAAAASHHHH!!!!

Misty appeared with a knife in her hand. "Jessie!" she screamed, "I shall kill you!"

Brock tried holding Misty back. "No! Don't do it, Misty!"

Jessie sent out Arbok.  Misty was confused on how Arbok could have traveled back so fast.   Brock noted Arbok.

"Wait! The Arbok that ate Togapi had no scars on it! If you look closely at Jessie's, you can see all the scars it has from all the times we beat Team Rocket! It must have been a wild arbok that ate Togapi."

Misty wailed and she and Brock leave. Misty forgets about Togapi after a minute after its lingering mind-control wore off.  They hide in the bushes.

"*AHEM* Now, Jessie, on our little beach, will you marry me?" James asked.

"I…"

But they were interrupted yet again when the skylight shatters and Team Pervert fall on their faces.  They get untangled and stand up wearing gas masks.

"Good night, guys!" Gary grinned as he throws a bomb of sleeping gas at Jessie and James.  When the gas cleared, both Jessie and James were sprawled on the ground fast asleep.

"What is going on, Brock?" Misty asked.

"I don't know and I don't like it one bit…" Brock said. They were about to leap out of the bushes and talk sense into Ash but they fell asleep too.  Ash and Gary tied James up and carried him to Gary's hotel room.  They got bored of watching James snore after several minutes and debated what to do before sending him to Jezebelle.

"I know! Let's see if he wear's girls' panties or guy underwear!"

"He's probably not wearing girlie stuff right now…let's see if it's boxers or briefs!"

"I bet my cheerleaders that he wears panties or briefs," Gary said.

"I bet all of my badges he wears boxers!" Ash challenged.  Since James was magically wearing a little boy's one-piece pajamas, they had trouble getting the zipper open because it went from his neck to his stomach…which was where they had tied the ropes around him.  James wakes up slowly as the two boys argue.

"Mommy!!!!" he screamed and tried to wriggle loose of his bindings.  Gary bashed him on the head.

"Hold still! My cheerleaders are on the line here!" Gary shouted.

"Where's Jessie?! Leave me alone!" James howled.

Back with Jessie….

Jessie had woken up and was starting to panic…which involved smashing store windows and making huge holes in the china figures outside of restaurants. 

"Where's James?! Where's James?! Where's James?!" she yelled all the while as she threw a lamp down on the ground.

Brock and Misty, who had also woken up, decided it was best that they stayed where they were while Jessie was on a rampage.  Jessie gave up destroying things and sat on the floor. She pulled out her sock puppet and put it on her hand.

"I love you, Hose.  Why can't anything ever work out for us?" she sulked.

Brock and Misty sweatdropped.


	7. chapter seven

Gary and Ash finally got James' one-piece PJ's down and revealed the truth: whether James wore boxers, panties or briefs! One was bearing his teeth, the other was cheering.

"DAMN IT! He wears boxers!" Gary cursed his ill luck.

James sniffed, a bit miffed. "I happen to **like** my boxers, thank you…" he wriggled a bit more to try to zip his PJ's up again but he was now tied by the wrists and ankles. _Good thing they didn't catch me in Jessie's undies…_he thought.

"Well…hand 'em over, Gary!" Ash crowed.

"Man…" Gary complained. "I'll give 'em to ya later…" he started counting off his cheerleaders on his fingers.  "There goes Natasha and Claire and Amy and Betty and Michelle…"

James' curiosity got the better of him. "How many cheerleaders do you have? And why do you have over fifty?"

Gary blushed. "They also make up my harem. Brock is a regular customer with them."

Ash and James sweatdropped as they didn't need to know the last detail.

"Well, we're gonna pay a visit to your lovely home, James," Gary stood up.

"Mansion?! AGHH!!" James stood up, fell over and started inching on the floor like an overgrown caterpie.

They cornered him.

"Any last requests?" Ash sneered.

"Umm…" James thought for a moment. It had to be a good request…. "Can you pull my pajamas up for me?" he asked, sweatdropping.  The boys fell over.

"Oh...Okay." Ash zipped up James' pajamas. "I guess you do get one request after all."

"I thought it was supposed to be a phone call," Gary wondered.

"Heck with it, we'll give him one of each." Ash went to pick up the hotel phone. "Okay, James, who do you want to call?"

"Je-"

"Figures…I shouldn't have even asked…" Ash sighed and dialed the pay phone number in the mall he wrote down earlier to freak people out when it rings.

Back at the mall….

"WHERE'S JAMES?! WHERE'S JAMES?! WHERE'S JAMES?!"Jessie slammed down what was left of the metal bench and panted.

The pay phone next to her rang and Jessie answered it, fairly pissed that she still hadn't found James.

"Hello, you've reached Wooly and Hose's residence. We're busy making out in front of the jewelry store so hang up the damn phone before they sic Knickerchu on you," she retorted and was about to hang up when she heard James meep on the other line and put the earpiece to her ear.

"Uh…Jess?" James asked meekly.

"Oh! Hello, Hose!" Jessie said sweetly. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!" she screamed.  James whined.

"Jessie~! They tied me up and made bets on what kind of underwear I wear!" James cried through the phone.

"Boxers," Jessie replied instantly. "Today, anyway."

"…How did you know?" James asked.

"I pay attention to those things."

"…..anyways…HEELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!!!!!" James screamed through the phone. Jessie pulled the phone away from her ear and held it twenty feet away from her.  When he stopped screaming, she screamed at him for nearly making her deaf.

"Jessie! Help! They're holding me hostage! They're-"

Gary reached over and pushed the little tab that makes the phone hang up.  Jessie nearly strangled the phone.

"James? JAMES?!" Jessie yelled into the phone.  After making sure the line was really dead(and that the public phone was thoroughly smashed to bits) she sat on the floor and sulked. 

Back at the hotel, James was starting to bawl again for Gary's heartless action.

"Why did you do that?!" he wailed endlessly. Gary folded his arms and sighed before explaining the obvious.

"We can't let her rescue you."   Ash pushed Gary out of the way.

"Yeah, ol' Jezebelle really wants you back. She hired us to kidnap you and everything and now…Gary and I will control the WORLD!" Ash laughed evilly until Gary punched him in the nose.

"Why the hell did you tell him about our evil plan?!" he screamed.  Ash cowered and mumbled something that sounded like "bad guy rule #89".  James sat straight up and started reciting Bad Guy Rule #89.

"…always tell your plans to your victim in great detail and how you did it, why you did it and what you shall accomplish from it," he said.  Ash and Gary stared at him.  James shrugged. "I am a bad guy, duh."

Meanwhile, back at the mall, Jessie was sitting on the fountain talking to Hose the sock puppet.  Suddenly, Meowth and his girlfriend, Nicole show up and Jessie screams, nearly falling into the fountain.

"Hey, Jess! Ya dun' have money on ya by the way, do ya?" Meowth asked.  Jessie screamed at him and threw a large rock at his face before facing the other way.  Nicole brushed up against Jessie's leg in reassurance and looked at her.

"What's wrong?" Nicole asked and this time, Jessie did fall in the warm-water fountain.  Wiping the wet hair from her face, Jessie stared at the cat.

"Y-you talk too?!" she uttered, not knowing what else to say.  Nicole blushed.

"Meowth taught me."

"T'anks to da wonderful "Learn to Speak Human in 72 Hours" video and sing-along tape!" Meowth grinned.  Jessie's eyes became small dots and she becomes cross-eyed and pouts. 

"Thrilled…" she grumbled. "Anyways, James was kidnapped by those hoodlums and I don't know where he is and-"  Jessie paused. "HE WAS PROPOSING TO ME TOO!" she screamed and got out of the fountain to continue her violent attacks on unanimous objects.  The two pokè-kitties both sweatdrop.  Happosai drops from the sky and Jessie starts running and soon arrives at James' mansion.  The perverted old man tried to glomp her but she kicked him all the way to China.  With all the racket going on outside, Hopkins opens the door and delivers Jessie to the room of "really weird gym equipment".  

"James!" she cried as she saw James wearing a black tux with his hair in a little ponytail.  He was also tied up and gagged and he was screaming like there was no tomorrow.  Well, theoretically, if he did get married to Jezebelle, there WOULDN'T be a tomorrow for him anyways. 

"Mmph! Jemph!" he cried out, muffled by the gag.  Jezebelle arrived on cue in her lion tamer's outfit, pulling her whip taunt.

"Perfect timin', you horrible woman! Always tryin' to take mah sugar away!" she chuckled.  James struggled violently in his bonds.  "Now you get to see our first kiss!" she said happily and leans over the petrified James, pursing her lips in a very ladylike fashion.  Jessie's eyes bulged in surprised anger.  James screamed an unmistakable "no" through his gag.  Unable to take the sight, Jessie hits the deranged redhead from behind and ties her to a piece of equipment that looked like a bench press.  James struggled even harder with his bonds, going crazy until Jessie finally took his gag off. 

"That tux doesn't look half bad on you…" she commented as she untied the ropes.  

"Oh, please," James grunted indignantly and took off his jacket and shirt before hugging Jessie tightly.  Jezebelle fumed, kicking her legs frustrated in the air. 

"How improper, James, mah sweet! Exposin' yourself to women like her!" she scowled.  Jessie and James get evil grins and lean over halfway and hit their rears with their hands a la Trunks(or Pichu).  Jezebelle started crying bitterly.  "Oh no, Gawd! Ah've lost you forevah!"  She continues crying as Jessie and James leave the mansion, leaving her still tied to the bench press-thing.

Soon, Jessie and James are back at the fountain, making out and giggling happily in bathing suits.  Jessie starts tracing a circle on James' chest.

"James…" she whispered. 

"Hmm?" James looked at her and then down at his chest, following the movements of her finger.  Jessie smirked at him.

"How many children do you want?" she asked.  James looked at her with wide eyes.  He decided to change the subject quickly. He took her hands in his.

"Ok…now that we're finally alone, will you-" he started.  Jezebelle shows up yet again with some crazy contraption in another obvious attempt to steal back her fiancée.  

"Quick! Put on your shirt, James!" Jessie hissed.  James did so, a bit puzzled.  Jessie reaches behind her and splashes James with cold water with expected results.

"GAHH!! Cold!" Jane squealed. "Jessie~!"

Jezebelle stops and turns blue with a black background behind her.  "Oh, James! What is wrong with you?!" she cried.  Jane pouted.

"I don't wanna talk about it…" Jane said, sitting cross-legged. 

Jezebelle clutched her head in her hands with tears in her eyes. "How can Ah marry a man who turns into a woman like Ranma? Ah was right! That good-for-nothing woman of yours isn't right in the mind!" 

"SHUT UP!" Jessie screamed at the hysterical woman.

"Yes! We victims of the Jusenkyo curse must stick together!" Jane looked at Jane and they make faces at Jezebelle.

"Stop! Stop! The marriage is over!" Jezebelle ran away, crying shamefully.  The duo look at each other and smile. They wouldn't be bothered by her again, that's for sure.

Jessie dumps hot water on Jane and they sit on the fountain's edge again.  James' shirt is ripped off again and Jessie goes back to tracing a circle on James' chest.  

"Now…how may children do you want?" she asked again.  James uttered a thoughtful sound.

"Um…Forty?" he said the first number that popped into his mind.  Jessie looked at him as if he was crazy.  "Kidding! Kidding!" he waved his arms around in defense as he realized his mistake. 

"You'd better be…" she scowled and pushed him into the warm-water fountain nearby.  "I love you, Hose…" 

James blushed.

In the bushes, Misty and Brock woke up at last.  Knowing they slept through the whole thing, Misty was glad that she left the video camera running the whole time and they run off to the Cerulean Gym.

Meanwhile in China….in a rather familiar scene of springs…

Jezebelle walked along the area, lost in her thoughts.  

"Ah, can't believe Ah lost James foreva….Ah might as well drown mah-self in that little pond there…" she glanced at the "pond" and noticed a small wooden sign. "Hmm? Spring of Drowned Gliga? What would that mean?" she read out loud.  She leaned over to look into the water and saw her own reflection. Nothing special. 

Happosai runs up behind her, glad to find a hot chick.

"Ooh! Feisty red-headed dominatrix!" he sang out before kicking the girl into the spring.  "Maybe I can capture her with this!" he grinned, holding out a pokèball that he had stolen from Jessie's pocket previously.  He waited for a minute but Jezebelle doesn't resurface.  Happosai looked sadly into the spring.  "…one less girly to steal panties from!" he cursed his luck. The Chinese Spring Tour Guide looks up from his rock, smoking his pipe. 

"Ai-ya…" he sighed. "Now Spring of Drowned Gligar is Spring of Drowned Feisty Red-Headed Dominatrix!"


	8. chapter eight

The Mall opens back up the next morning and Jesse and James are still um, busy in the fountain. People soon stop and stare, throwing them change and dollar bills for their "performance".  Jessie smirked and took a break from kissing James and scoops up the money.  As she bent over, an old perverted guy catcalled as he had a nice view of her butt and since she was wearing her bathing suit…that's a lot of ass to see.

"Take it off! Take it all off!" he hooted and  he had a heart attack when Jessie poses for him.  

"Score!" Jessie laughed and relieves the old man of his thick wallet.  James frowned.

"That wasn't very nice…" he said at last.  Jessie looked at him and nudged him.

"I am sick of being nice. Aren't you?" she winked and slapped his butt.   
   
Meanwhile back in China…

Happosai stood up and began to think of his next action.  

"Hmm…there isn't another girl with panties for a hundred miles of here...never mind! I shall-" he started before a panda ran by and knocked the old pervert into the Spring of Drowned Feisty Red-Headed Dominatrix!  The Chinese Springs Tour Guide sighed, not believing anything else could be as perverted.

A head of red curls surfaces and the girl that emerged hacked a little before looking down.  Though it seemed that Jezebelle had come back to life, it was really Happosai under the curse of the Jusenkyo springs.  Happosai didn't seem too disturbed at his new transformation and grinned as he held up the former Jezebelle's panties.

"Now to have some fun with that other feisty red-head and her friend! BWAHAHA!!" The sky darkens and lighting flashes.

  
  
 Back at the mall, Jessie and James decide to go to a restaurant for breakfast and they order their food and start eating.  Jessie smacked her head as James practically inhaled twelve plates of pancakes in less than a minute.

"So much for our honeymoon fund..."

Suddenly, a familiar red-headed girl walked in….

"Hel~lo, feisty red-headed gal!" Happosai slurred.  Jessie and James stare at Happosai with wide eyes.

"J-J-Jezebelle!" James screamed and attempted to glomp Jessie in fear but the table was in the way as he was sitting on the opposite side.  Happosai scowled and looked down.  Finally noticing  that he now had female characteristics, he ripped of his shirt and looked at himself, to the horror of many parents as he did not have anything on underneath.

"W-What the hell are you?!" Jessie demanded.  Happosai glomped Jessie and felt around her skirt area for her panties.  James' grew even wider and he was sure this was a demon greater than Jezebelle. Jessie regains her senses and beats the crap out of Happosai before she and James ran off, leaving the bill behind.  But not before James grabs an English muffin  
  
"W-who was that?" Jessie panted as they sat on a bench. 

"Maybe she was that Snapplesigh pervert's sister…" James suggested.  Jessie thought of that possibility for a few seconds and made a face.

"Eww...and I thought his name was Happosai…"  Jessie glanced at James. 

"I am not good at pronouncing big words!" James defended himself from further teasing. Jessie sighed and then got a brilliant idea.

"Let's go to Underwear Wonderland!" she said happily, pointing to the store in front of them.  James winced.

"This time, *you* try something on too. S'not fair I have to try things on and get beat with a coat hanger," James whined. 

"Okay, but you'll have to pick it out though," Jessie smiled.

   
They go inside the store and James goes to the cartoon animal underwear display.  James spazzed out and held up a small package for Jessie to see.

"Look at this cute set with widdle storks and babies in packages on them!" he giggled.  Jessie grabbed the package of unmentionables from him and peered at the label that said "small" on them.

"Must be for pregnant women," she announced and threw it back at him. "Put it back."

"B-but they're so cute!" James protested. "Can't we buy them now and you can get pregnant later?" 

Jessie glared at James with anger clearly etched on her face. "Are you saying I'll get…FAT?!" Jessie yelled, grimacing at the terrible F-word.  James cowered, saying that most women did when they were pregnant.  Jessie scowled yet again in a very huffy mood. "Who says I want to have kids with you? Hmm?" 

"You did!" James said indignantly, "You asked me in the fountain and traced circles on my chest!" 

The shoppers all turned around to stare.  Jessie started to feel uncomfortable and pulled James close. 

"Gimmie a kiss and I'll forget about this incident," she muttered quickly.  James blushed but gives her a quick peck on the cheek, which sends Jessie into dreamland.  
   
  "Awww....James and my kids would be so cute...both of our gorgeous features bundled into one kid," she sighed happily, "They might even rival our own beauty! - Now about those stork undies...how big do you think I'll get?" The last statement was directed at James who was poking Jessie, in hopes of bringing her back to reality.

"Umm…isn't this at least a year away?" he tried to avoid the question.

"Not if you propose to me, dammit!" Jessie poked him.  James laughed nervously and put his hands behind his head.  "You really don't' like to talk about that subject, huh?" Jessie asked.  James shakes his head violently.  "Thought so." She shoved the stork undies on his head and stomped off angrily.

"Jessie~!" James called to Jessie as he yanked the underwear off his head and started after her.  "Come back!"

Jessie enjoyed the attention and continued to be pretend to be mad at her partner.  She quickened her pace and James had to run to catch up with her. 

"Jessie, I am so sorry I am so sensitive but that's the way I am!" he pleaded.

"Shut up, Rose Boy," Jessie averted her face, as she had begun to smile at his innocence.

"But Jessie-"

From the ice cream stand nearby….

"Ooh!" Brock exclaimed as he saw Jessie and James walking towards them.  "Jessie might be breaking up with James!" 

Misty licked at her ice cream cone and tugged at Brock's ear.  "Shut up, Romeo. Only one of us can abuse you."  Brock winced and blushed at the same time.  Misty noticed his chocolate ice cream was melting and groaned as she had to listen to Brock's continuous "eheh"s.

James started crying softly and gets big pitiful eyes.  "I am sorry Jess, I am not good enough for youuuu!!" he howled.  Jessie was almost moved to the point where she was about to tell him that she was joking but then changed her mind.

"Well, if you can't even frikkin' TALK to me about having kids, how am I ever gonna get you to HAVE kids with me?!" she growled.

"I am not even good enough to change the gas in your car…" James sniffed and wiped his nose on his shirt sleeve. 

Jessie started feeling bad.

"A-and now…now you don't love me because I am not a pervert!" James cried.  Jessie looked around and noticed quite a number of people were staring at them.  James clung onto Jessie's thigh like he did at Maiden's Peak and sobbed miserably.  

_What a doofus!  Brock thought.  "If I were him and got that close, I'd look up her skirt!" he said out loud.   Misty got angry and knocked Brock over the head with a heavy shopping bag._

"Oh, James…" Jessie sighed and sat down cross-legged on the floor and put James' head in her lap.  James started choking out incoherent strands of sentences, too hysterical with depression.  Jessie started stroking his long hair.  "Shh…it will be alright…" 

"No it won't~!" James wailed.  Jessie kissed his lips deeply and he quieted down.

"Feel better?" Jessie asked. James gave a small nod but still had those huge pitiful puppy-dog eyes.  

"Told you so," Jessie said matter-of-factly.  James was at a loss for words and Jessie decided to treat him to an ice cream cone.  Brock started adjusting his vest as he saw Jessie advancing towards them.

"No way is she going to fall for YOU, Buster!" Misty growled and dragged Brock away to the fountain where Jessie and James were the other night.

Jessie ordered a scoop of chocolate and another scoop of strawberry on one cone.  The ice cream vender hands it to her and she holds it out to James who looked at the treat with hungry eyes.

"But what about you?" James asked.  Jessie rolled her eyes.

"Didn't your parents teach you to share?" she asked.  James looked at her with confusion while Jessie licked the top of the ice cream cone and handed it back to James.  He looks at it for a while before finally licks it as well.  They continue to take turns and soon another crowd comes to watch.  

"You have ice cream on your face," Jessie noted.  

"Mm?" James asked.

"I'll get it off," Jessie said before kissing him again on the lips, which were stained brown with chocolate ice cream. "Mmm…" 

The spectators watched with wide eyes.  Jessie and James finally break off and James licked his lips.

"Tasty," James announced.

"But you have my lipstick all over your lips!" Jessie said, a bit weirded out by James who now appeared to have applied lipstick.  James grinned broadly and Jessie decided to go back to eating ice cream.

Meanwhile….

"Umm…Misty? Are you going to eat the rest of that?" Brock asked, pointing to Misty's ice cream cone.  Misty looked at him as she took a dainty lick.

"Why?" 

"I dropped mine when you dragged me here," Brock said sadly. Misty sighed and regretfully handed over her half-finished ice cream cone to Brock.

  
  


 Jesse and James finish the ice cream and get in the car.  James, who now has his licence, puts a CD in.  James started singing along, much to Jessie's horror.

"Lady Madonna, children at your feet, wonder how you manage to make ends meet..." 

"Lord, not the Beatles!" Jessie moaned.  "At least play a song that isn't about poor people."

James left the song on but started singing a different one.

"That's too sad.  How 'bout…Oh yeah I'll tell you somethin' I think you'll understand...when I...say that something...I wanna hold your hand..." Jessie started singing.  James brightened up and started singing his favorite part of the song.  
  


"And when I touch you I feel happy.......inside.......it's such a feelin' that my love..."

Jesse tickles James' chin and kisses him, refusing to stop.  
  


"Jessie! I have to drive!" he whined but was giggling all the same.

  
They crash into a fire hydrant, wrecking their engine, and sending cold water raining down on top of the convertible(which has its hood lowered, of course) but neither seems to notice.  A little boy and his mother walked by but then the little boy found the sight too curious and had to share his observations with his mother.

"Mommy! Mommy! Lookie! That red-headed girl is kissing a mew!"  he cried out, tugging at his mother's skirts.

"Tommy, what did I say about being-" she turned around. "Oh my…"


End file.
